Many people have asked me, “Alf, why aren’t you running for #HeatTwitter president?” My answer is simply this:

Would you cage an eagle?

Would you put a wild horse in a petting zoo?

Would you put a killer whale in a bathtub?

Unless you’re Miami Seaquarium, the answer is no!

I can’t run for president because #HeatTwitter has no president. #HeatTwitter has no rules.  #HeatTwitter cannot be governed.

Because #HeatTwitter is not a nation. I’ve seen #HeatNation. It’s a soulless PR campaign full of fanboys with Dwyane Wade underpants.

#HeatTwitter is a wild frontier. A lawless band of rebels armed with a killer wit and sinister photoshop skills. A group of fans that are quick to praise and even quicker to slander.

Yes, I will admit that we have never been more splintered. Never have the factions been more divided.  The timeline has a “Lord of the Flies” feel to it.

The level headed are sacrificed at the altar of Pat Riley and even our most defiant champion, Spoon, has fallen victim to the ingrates who refuse to “learn the game.”

But a president will not fix these problems. Not even winning will. The only thing that can unite a band of outlaws is a common enemy. And if there’s one thing #HeatTwitter is great at, it’s forming an angry mob.

So grab your pitchforks #HeatTwitter. Grab your torches…and horse genitalia…and shout from your car windows. We will not be governed! We will not be led!  We will embrace chaos! We are the flying death machine of social media and we put the dumb in freedom!

God bless America, God bless Micky Arison and may Riley be with you!